Do you still remember the days when the 9-year old you would dream such BIG dreams that any adult would be quick to dismiss as delusions of grandeur? I sure do.
Though a kid, I already knew what I wanted to become when I grow up— an O.R. nurse. All those times I get asked about my dream career, the answer had always been a nurse. I had a crystal clear picture in my mind that I will be working for the same hospital my mom did, wearing cool scrubs, while teetering at the halls of the hospital in my divisoria-bought fake crocs. You see, I grew up in the four corners of a hospital. Hence, the thought of working elsewhere never really crossed my mind. For me, it’s the hospital or none at all. Though I admit there might be instances where I’d flirt with the idea of someday becoming a president of the Philippines (see delusions of grandeur). However, I never gave it much thought. After all, it was a dream made to feed the imagination of a 9-year old dweeb. Ain’t it fun to have people call you, “Madam president”?
Fast forward 12 years after, I did not become a nurse nor a president of the republic (age-wise, I still don’t qualify), and I wanted to be elsewhere. I did, however, become a physical therapist and a soon-to-be med student. But if you ask me what I will be if I was not a med student, I’ll most likely be a writer.
I remember the time I had a heart-to-heart talk with a former batchmate whom I share the same boat with. Our conversation went something like this:
“Nakakagulat, ‘no? Kung sino pa ‘yung nagta-top nu’ng college, tayo pa ‘yung walang direksyon ngayon. Di mo talaga alam mangyayare. Well.” (She is one of the top students in my college, btw.)
“Exactly. Ganito din nangyari kila ****** , ‘di ba?” (I mentioned a name of another top student in our college.)
“Oo. Di mo pa nage-gets dati pero ngayon tayo na nasa position nila. Nakaka-depress, ‘no? Parang lahat ng nakapaligid sayo may work na, PTRP na, ikaw hindi mo alam kung magiging ano ka.” (This part hit me for realzz. Hayst. I didn’t know life would be this cruel.)
“Nag-dorm pa kaya ako nu’n! Tapos akala ko nu’ng on top of my game ako — nagta-top sa quizzes, exams, tapos December, wala na. Ikaw din, di ba nagta-top ka nu’n!” (I feel you!)
“Baka may iba talagang plano si Lord satin.”
It’s been a year since I graduated. It’s also been a year since I became officially jobless. Hay, buhay. Parang life. While my batchmates are busy climbing the ladder of their corporate success, I, on the other hand, is six feet under the whirlpool of uncertainties. You might wonder why, but that warrants another blog post. All this time I thought of saving enough money to buy my parents all the luxuries in life that they deserve. Not that they require or obliged me to, or that they can’t afford it themselves. It is my way of giving back and saying thank you from all the tedious years they spent trying to raise my siblings and I. But, I guess it won’t happen anytime soon. I guess it will take longer than expected. But I will see to it that it will… one day.
When life gets the best of you, what then?
My apologies for the lack of enthuthiasm in this blog post, I’ve just been really sad today. I am sad. I am frustrated. Or maybe, it’s just lady hormones. It’s that time of the year, you know.
PS. If any of my high school friends is reading this, my apologies for the times I’ve been MIA in our batch reunions. I’m jobless and I can’t afford to pay the bills.